Rejection

The first few hundred rejection letters I got as a writer really upset me. I was sure I was too thin-skinned to survive in business. Still I saved all the letters thinking that one day I would publish a book of rejection letters called “How Many Ways Can You Say NO?”
Then rejection, disagreeing and quarrelsome emails started coming in from readers of articles I have written, that have been published in newspapers and various publications around the country. Responding to and dealing with rejection is now just part of my daily routine as I scramble to return all my emails. For every angry and upset response, there are plenty of people who say nice and complimentary stuff like “you’ve changed my life and I am forever indebted to you.” Still the ones we tend to remember are those in which our unpopularity shines. Why?

If you are one of those thin-skinners easily offended in business take heed: its okay. Eventually, no matter what you are selling, writing or presenting, somebody, somewhere will disagree with you…and that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and the sooner you disengage emotionally from the insults or rejection the quicker you will rise to the top of your field.

Here are some tips to help you bounce back and don a tougher skin:

ð First, don’t take yourself too seriously. There is more value and importance to life than worrying about someone who doesn’t perceive the value you can provide. Brush it off.

ð Keep lots of working deals in the pipeline and spread your energy evenly between them. It’s too easy to get emotionally charged up about a deal when you have a bunch of time and money invested in it – and it’s the only deal you have.

ð Expect rejection. Not everyone is qualified to buy from you. Not everyone needs your product or service. Not everyone will like you personally. Not everyone has the financial resources to buy from you. So sooner or later, someone will tell you no. Expect it.

ð Be grateful for a “no”. I would rather take a dozen “no’s” any day than have a dozen “maybes” because maybes consume precious time and energy with prospects who are not in a position or unwilling to make a decision.

ð When you get a “no” send a heart-felt thanks. “Thanks for reviewing my offer, I understand now may not be the right time for you, if you don’t mind I’ll keep you posted, because you never know.” Now you can follow up if you like because you haven’t burned your bridges behind you. You might also switch careers at some point in the future, and contact this same prospect in your new endeavor. You just never know, and you don’t want to breed negative energy that sinks either this ship, or the next one that comes along.

ð When you are blatantly insulted, challenged or outwitted – stand back. Take a deep breath and thank your opponent. Remember there is no merit in disputing another’s opinion. They have every bit as much right to their opinion (however inaccurate or rude) as you have to yours. So what if they disagree with you? Big whoop!

ð Often antagonists just want to be heard. Say or write exactly these words when responding and you can’t go wrong or be misquoted. “Thank you for sharing your opinion.” Since you didn’t agree or disagree with them, the conversation is dead. There is nothing to argue. If they insist on conversing or forcing their opinion on you, remain neutral and polite as you use “The Six I Heard You’s” commonly used by parents who have disagreeable teenagers. (Remember to keep an emotionless poker face when delivering these statements – and make sure your voice inflections go down at the end of the statement, not up. If your voice goes up it sounds like a question and they will keep haggling you.)

1. “Hmmm”
2. “How ‘bout that”
3. “Isn’t that something?”
4. “That’s fascinating.”
5. “What do you know?”
6. “That’s interesting”

All of these are neutral statements that simply say “I heard you” and refuse to agree or disagree with you. You can in a difficult or argumentative situation use all six as many times as needed until your adversary gets bored and goes away.

Be aware that the more powerful you become as a person, salesperson, presenter or leader, the more controversy will be linked to you and the more rejection you may receive. Brace yourself for it. People will either love you or hate you and that comes with the territory. And if you’ll look back you will find that the most controversial characters in history were worshiped, followed, assassinated and crucified…and then quoted.